It’s f-f-freezing out! Howling winds, driving snow bring us frostbitten noses, stinging cheeks, icy feet, shivering bodies. All while coyotes trot by, the bunnies cavort and the polar bears stroll through Arctic blizzards with cheery unconcern.
These creatures have thick warm fur coats while the humans living beside them are hatched bare as goose eggs. Without clothes, we die of hypothermia quick as grasshoppers tossed out into the storm. It makes no sense.
Why don’t we humans have fur too?
It’s an evolution thing, the scientists say. We evolved on the African plains where fur was just an impediment to keeping cool. We copied the elephant, the rhino, the hippo, who also dispensed with a hairy pelt in the interests of air conditioning. Or we may have had some semi-aquatic stage when we imitated the naked hides of the walrus and the dolphin before changing our minds and heading back to land.
Whatever expedient decisions our ancestors made about the benefits of hairlessness, it’s long past time for an update. We’ve been away from the African plains for thousands of years. We’ve spread over Russia, Scandinavia, Alaska, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Labrador, Quebec and Minnesota. When is evolution going to kick in again, helping us grow a magnificent coat of fur like that of the bears and wolves, caribou and wolverines, husky dogs or even the tabby cat?
Imagine the joys of being actually adapted to our climate.
To step outside in comfort without parkas, boots, scarves, mitts and three pairs of woolly socks. Only wearing our own coat of fluffy winter fur. Clothing would become irrelevant. (What a saving!) Home heating bills would plummet. Fur conditioners would become big business along with super vacuums for when we shed in the spring.
So come on, Mother Nature, hurry up with the adaptations. We’re tired of shivering as the naked ape. Can’t you make us at least as well insulated as those warm-coated squirrels smirking at us as they leap merrily through the snow?