Things were at a stand still for a few moments. Then Benny Cooper, a member of the committee, rose from his chair in the audience. “Dell, you are correct. I think, Dell, you being chairman, you could have nomination changed to appointment. You could give Phoebe the honor of appointing her successors. I think that the rest of the boys would going on for that, Dell.”
For a moment, Dell was perplexed. He stated they’re scanning the crowd. Then, one by one, in different sections of the audience, a committee member would rise to his feet and say, “Dell, go right ahead. It’s okay with me.”
Dell looked at Phoebe and said, “Now it’s your turn, Phoebe.”
Phoebe looked over the audience very shyly. “I’m awfully sorry for having caused all this confusion. Really, I had two pupils in mind. There is a six-year-old Debra Brooks from the Rock Cut, Dunadry’s Golden Mile. She is right there with her mother beside my own parents. I noticed that sometimes that she is snoozing with her head on her mother’s bosom. Anyhow, Debra has two rabbits, Pieball and Snitchel, but it is always Pieball that has all the new little bunnies. She wonders whether Snitchel is it worth cutting clover for. The lazy old critter leaves all the trouble for Pieball to raise the bunnies. This spring, Pieball fooled old Snitchel . She had only three bunnies this time. Sometimes she has ten.
“When Debra learned all about this spanking new Sunday school classroom, Debra decided to sell one of her bunnies to help the cause. The lady asked Debra how much did she want for a bunny. Debra said, ‘Either one of those two, I want sixty-five cents.’ The lady heard what Debra wanted the money for and said, ‘We’ll give you two dollars.’ Debra felt like Dale Carnegie.”
“Now this other little girl, who is eight years old, is Lily Loughrin. She got her father to set her up a display counter of tomato crates and plywood on the south side of the road where a lot of people passed on their way to work. She put up tomatoes, string beans and fresh peas besides new potatoes. Pa was very good to her. He dug the potatoes and Lily picked them up. Pa also supplied her with berry boxes. At ten cents a berry box, Lily raised a grand total of $13.80. She said that she could’ve made more but a flock of daddy’s sheep broke into mama’s garden and greatly reduced the picking. Now I’m going down the aisle to bring these two wealthy girls up to the platform to deposit their donations.”
Up on the platform, they were two little beauties. Phoebe held Lily back while Debra went forward and deposited her donation into the pot. Then Lily deposited her donation into the pot. The crowd went berzerk with cheers and hoopla. Phoebe held the the girls by her side until the applause had subsided some. Phoebe held up her hand and in no time flat there was silence. So no one could hear, Phoebe placed the girls with their backs to the audience. Then she bent over them and took her time and instructed them in what she wanted them to do.
She asked them, “Now are you sure what you are supposed to do?”
Feeling satisfied that the girls could perform, Phoebe stood up straight and reached to her breast and brought out a slip of paper. She waved it at the crowd and then bent low to the girls. Each of them gently took hold of it ad walked slowly up to the pot and deposited it. Phoebe then took them by the hand to the front of the platform and had the girls give the audience a farewell wave. Of course, Phoebe joined them. She then escorted them back to their mums amid cheers and clapping.
Dell stepped forward and said, “Wasn’t that something! She is unpredictable. Ladies and gentlemen, I feel sure that we have had a very successful concert. I hope that everybody has enjoyed themselves. I know I have. I know that Dunadry’s Hayseed Band is all organized in the dressing room and raring to go. When they come out, let’s have good old barnstorming. Then, when that’s finished, before we leave, we will have the King. But before that, I think that our minister should have a word with us and maybe our minister might suggest some others that might like to have a word with us. I declare the program wide open. And do not forget what I said at the beginning of this concert. We definitely will not stand for any over indulgence. We have the muscle to counteract it.”
The minister excused himself so that he and his wife could leave. There were some farmers leaving. The evening was getting on into the night. Most of the farmers had to have their milk on the stands by seven a.m. The younger ones didn’t seem to mind. Trustee Cooper got to his feet and wondered if the senior member of our visitors would care to say a few words to us of his impression of our concert. There was a scattering of hand clapping.
Trevor said, “How about grandpa?”
After a little persuasion, Joanne took grandpa by the arm up to the platform. Grandpa got up and said “What can I say? I am an old man. I will say your good will ambassador happened to come our way. In conversation with her in Toronto, she was watching our professional entertainment. Very, very interesting, I thought. I asked her what she thought of it. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘it’s very good and professional’. I said some of them entertainers cost fifty dollars a night. She said, ‘That’s just it. It’s just like covering a sour rhubarb pie with icing. It’s a lot different to the way we operate down on our turf.’ Well, friends, that statement of hers has haunted me to this day. When Trevor and Joanne said that they were coming down to this concert I just couldn’t resist the opportunity of coming with them to see this girl and her neighbours on their own turf and let me tell you that it was all well worth it. Now your honourable chairman tells us that we have seen nothing yet. I want to thank you one and all. It has been great.”
He got a fair applause. Then, without warning, all hell broke loose, the curtain was rolled back and there was the Hayseeds in full regalia; frayed straw hats, garbage lids hanging from around their necks, cheese boxes for drums, harvester twine strung with empty tomato cans. Big Tom Murray was leading one of his prize winning Nubian goats ahead of the Seeds. Wee Willie Avery, who was wearing a goat hide for a breast pad for his big drum, got a good bunt in the rear from Murray’s billy goat. The Seeds had sleigh bells, cow bells, sheep bells, old car horns, hand saws. It was certainly a philharmonic orchestra. They had three harmonicas, two violins, a guitar and one F flute, cymbals and triangle irons and, believe it or not, they could carry a tune. The choirmaster was seated at the piano. Phoebe and about three female choir girls and maybe four male voices were assembled near by.
The band struck out with ‘Paddy McGinty’s Goat’. The band with all their jingle dangle sounded like a chuck wagon rolling down a mountain, side wheels up. The choir was singing Harry Lauder melodies. Between them and the Seeds, it was bedlam with the audience pounding the floor and trying to sing along with one or the other melodies. One could not carry on much of a conversation.
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