Vampires: Have They Really Thought it Through?

What will vampires do while the sun goes red giant? Being one of the charismatic undead might have its disadvantages.

What little I gather about vampires comes from movies and blurbs on those unending vampire novels.  Three things I do know.  Vampires need human blood to nourish themselves.  Vampires have eternal life.  If they bite you, you become a vampire too.

Okay, if they can’t die why do they need nourishment?  And if everyone they bite becomes another vampire, wouldn’t the law of exponential expansion or whatever eventually turn the entire population of the Earth into vampires?  (If a vampire bites ten friends and they bite ten friends and they bite ten friends and so on….)  Then what would the vampires feed on?

And eternal life – a flawed gift at best.

Astronomers predict that, in about seven and a half billion years, the likely fate of the planet is to be absorbed into the sun after the sun enters its red giant phase.   Seven billion years is an awful long time to entertain oneself on a planet getting hotter and hotter as the sun gets bigger.  After the oceans evaporate, the atmosphere burns off and all life is long extinct, an excruciatingly  boring, not to mention nasty place. There won’t even be stakes left to plunge  into each others’ hearts.

When the sun finally goes red giant and gobbles up the planet, that puts all those vampires either directly into the inferno of the sun or flung into outer space flailing their arms, legs and bat wings as they hurtle through the void.  The interesting question is whether their physical structure can withstand the vacuum of space or will explode into a zillion bits of vampire matter headed for galaxies millions of light years away from former Earth.

With no end in sight.  Ever.

Vampire superpowers: hyper strength, flight, ability to morph into bats or noxious mist, no need for sleep, hypnotic attraction for the opposite sex, eternal life.

Nah, I think I’ll pass.

Gail Hamilton’s books.

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